Thursday, June 17, 2010

dear joash,

It was past 10 in the morning and I had just forced myself up from where I had been reading in bed to search for breakfast. I was bored and decided to try on a dress my cousin gave me the day before. I went out of the room to look in the mirror when I heard my phone ring and I tottered back to my room in my new shoes.

It was actually a call of misfortune, a call I wished never had to happen.

I couldn’t believe the news I heard. My head was emptied of emotions as shock settled in. I couldn’t believe and had to call friends to confirm. I called my parents who knew your family, and they were equally shocked.

I couldn’t just sit down doing nothing. I scrolled down the list of contacts to call mutual friends and then I stopped at your name. I couldn’t believe that you would not pick up and that I wouldn’t hear your voice ever again.

I dialled your number. The automated voice said that this number is not in service. Shocked, I cried.

Dear Joash,

It sucks to know that the only distinct memory I share with you is watching the movie Sky of Love, which became our private joke of being the lamest movie of all time. It sucks to realize that I have never taken a photograph with you and only you before, despite having known each other for 2 and a half years. It sucks when I realize that we had many opportunities to meet up despite our clashing schedules but I did not take real effort. Yes we did make plans but they always somehow get pushed back at the last minute.
It sucks to know that I have been such a lousy friend, when you were all but one of the nicest people to me in college.

Dear Joash,

I will always remember the time when my mom told me that I have a surprise visitor, and guess who but you who turned up at my house  with your aunt and  a packet of Muar’s famous otak-otaks which I have always bugged you for. You were the last person I was expecting, and never once did I really expect you to get it for me even though you always promised to.  I guess I didn’t really know how good of a person you were.

It hurts to use the past tense when describing you.

Dear Joash,

I will never forget the fact that you were such a die-hard fan of sports, tennis and football. Watching the football match in the mamak, and you apologizing for screaming Goal!, shocking me. Always inviting me to play tennis with you, back in 2008. I think that you wouldn’t have wanted to miss the chance of watching the World Cup finals (I’m sorry I do not know about tennis tournaments), but that wouldn’t matter. I am only a friend, therefore I cannot imagine how your family and closer friends must feel. It sucks to know that I did not take the effort to be a better friend, knowing how good of a friend you can be.

Dear Joash,

It’s 11.35am now, and I still only half-heartedly believing that it’s true. I will never believe it I guess, until I see further proof maybe? Of what, I do not know.

The only consolation I have, and it’s all that matters, is that you’re finally Home.

2 things to say:

Bentuckee said...

i was speechless.
will miss him a lot a lot.
i was that kind of friend that you described too. a bad friend for a good, good man.

Samantha Chow said...

it's times like these that we regret not being a better friend to whoever it is we have to say goodbye to. :((