Friday, July 16, 2010

why do people say ‘happy’ before ‘birthday’?

Lights off

I read a book the other day. ‘The other day’ being months ago as this is actually a draft post. Anyway, what I wrote was that the logic (of the story) was in this: whether you’d want to live a long but sad life or a short but happy life.

You know, I’ve never expected to reach 20. If you ask me what I see myself in 10, 20 years, or even 5! I wouldn’t know what to say. It might be because I have not yet ‘planned for the future’ or maybe because I don’t see myself still here then. Morbid I know, but you know when they say (in books): “I’ve always somehow known deep insid e…”, well, I believe that deep down we all know what is true and what is not.

Like the fact that I’m not looking forward to grow up and be ‘responsible’ and all the shit that comes with being an adult. I’m perfectly fine being ‘young’, able to make mistakes and not be blamed in the way that adults are! I watch people older than me make mistakes and I think that they should not because they are not allowed to, because they must have had so much experience as to know what is the proper thing to do, the right and diplomatic thing to say. But as I watch them say things that I never expect them to, and do things that even I myself know is wrong…I lose confidence in them. Generally, in adulthood.

What gives you the right to do those things? To say things like that? To make me feel that you do not deserve respect? And respect is the most important thing you would want from me. Not for me to love or like you, but respect definitely comes first.

I don’t want to grow up and make mistakes. All I want right now is to be able to go off and have that craved ice kacang in another state at just a moment’s notice.

I hate birthdays.

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