These past few days have been a fresh change. Not necessarily a positive change, but a change nonetheless. I am a Cancerian, a Creativist, a restless girl who does not like to be tied down (in other words, a free soul). I want to travel the world, I want to stay home to write, I want to be surrounded by people, I want to hide under the covers alone and read. I cannot make up my mind; I change it constantly like underwear. I want nothing, and everything else. But just like any other human beings I want love, I want care, I want assurance that everything will be fine. If it’s one thing I hate, it’s not knowing what will happen. Of course some of you will say that knowing the future spoils the fun, and what is life if you know what you’re gonna end up as? But I’m a planner, a calendar-lover, the behaviour stemmed from having to multi task my various projects and assignments. I want to know what’s up ahead. I want to plan my transport, my full schedule of the following day, or even the week ahead. I want to know what I will be doing, what I should start on first or which that I have time to push back. I want to know what there is to know about my future.
I want to know when I can afford to let everything go, and follow Death in his eternal path. I am an old soul in a restless young body.
I am not eager to die, yet I would not mind as I am always prepared. However if Life does not reveal its purpose to me sooner, I would beckon and welcome nothingness for I do not think it’s worthy to spend any more time on.
Have you ever wondered why the grass is green and not blue?
There is a destiny for every single thing, every single person, every knowledge deemed as fact by mankind, every myth debunked as illogical, every place named such. There is a reason why I am here, just as there is a reason why green is green and blue is named after the skies. Right now I’m feeling as awkward and useless as a giraffe in a schoolroom.