Saturday, July 30, 2011

true bliss

I'm not stupid.

Unfortunately even being a genius in this case does not help with anything. And sometimes it's just the way it is.

This is the one time I wish I was dumb and ignorant. Like they say, ignorance is bliss. “What you don't know cannot hurt you.”

It's amazing when I think of how you've survived so many years as a living breathing human being, when I think of your simple-mindedness. Perhaps you are right though. Perhaps all we need to get on in life is the ability to take it all with a pinch of salt.

Perhaps I need to learn to take things a little less seriously.

Monday, July 18, 2011

read between the lines

If palmistry information on this site is to be believed, then I am:

a) Idealistic, dependent on partner, stressful, intellectually-bent, intertwined relationships, karmic relationships (??)

b) Ambitious, excellent memory (but apparently fading memory towards the end?), materialistic, mental confusion (whut?)

c) Good health/vitality, smooth life, life path is multifold.

d) Fate is “failures, disappointments, struggle, indecisiveness”. Ah.

e) Absence of fame line.

f) Two significant relationships.

g) Either no children, or there will be 6? Uh…

h) Health is not an issue.

i) Broken bracelets lines indicate ill health or lowering of chi energies. (Conflicting information?)

j) Quite a fair bit of travel lines, which means I may travel much/have the desire to travel.

k) Ultra-sensitive. …indicates a need for shielding or creating emotional boundaries.

Quite a positive reading I would say, though just average. Now, if I were to look at my right palm instead of the left, it might show something else in addition.

I am still torn between thinking of myself as an owner of a fascinating Simian Crease. I do have a straight line on my right hand, but conflictingly I also have a third heart line, which is supposedly not present in true Simian lines. However if that is the case, then I may be a ‘highly intelligent, highly evolved person blessed with gifts of extremism, intensity and stamina’.

Palmists, what do you think?

BUT reading on, apparently people with Simian Creases are always doing a lot more than others, having either ‘on’ or ‘off’ energy (very true), and always feeling misunderstood. Not gonna mention the part (okay I’m mentioning it now) where ‘others can’t keep up’ cos it’s perasan-ish but I do think it’s pretty true in my case. Or maybe I’m just damn impatient.

The site says that I may also ‘come across as cold and aloof when you think you are being considerate’. Yes yes yes! Most of the time it’s because I just don’t have a smiley face, it’s not that I hate you so much I don’t even care to look at you. (-Information quoted from here)

However in palmistry, just like horoscopes, you just have to take all the coincidences with a pinch of salt, believe in all the ‘good stuff’ and scoff at the bad ones!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

things to do in the near future: an update

Seventeen months ago, I made a list of Things To Do In The Near Future.

1. Taste a macaroon. > done. (Singapore March 2010)

2. Get a tiny tattoo. > Still chickening out.

3. Go on a reaaally scary rollercoaster with you. > done. In fact, we got on a few that day, which was really more than enough for you I think.

4. Go on a day foodie trip. > done. (Malacca March 2011)

5. Go on a long faraway holiday. > done.

6. Catch the sunbeam one misty morning. > done. (I would have at least one sporadic early morning insomnia moment in seventeen months, wouldn’t I?)

7. Attend a Zee Avi and/or Joanna Wang performance. > No.

8. Start a photo blog. > I guess tumblr doesn’t really count does it?

9. Get a camera. > done, almost instantaneously after the post itself. Love my G11 still even after seventeen months.

And the 10th thing as an afterthought, here.

10. Meet the entire cast of Grey’s Anatomy. > uh…

**

Six out of ten in seventeen months isn’t that bad isn’t it? New list coming up!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

spurious

On nights like these, I think of all the times you made me cry. I think of all the arguments (although rare) we had. I remember the days when I am actually mad at you but pretended that everything’s fine. I remember all the hurt, all the suspicions I had, all the times I closed my eyes and told myself that everything was perfect. I remember thinking how unlike you were compared to me, how I could never get you to talk about things that really mattered. I remember how I really wanted to tell you how lost I was, but you did not understand. On nights like these, I recall the unhappy moments.

Because otherwise I would cry thinking of all the other moments.

***

There’s something strangely perfect about taking a photo through a dirty window. It’s telling you that although things may seem just so hopeless at the moment, all you need to do is wind down the window to see everything as it really is.

***

Speaking of photographs, funny how people base how happy you are on the photos they see. They don’t know that photographs are the worst form of expression; that what you see in a photograph is almost always not true at the moment. How in the moment the photographer turns his camera to you an artificial grin would automatically light up your face. That the second he clicks the camera the world stops, capturing forever the moment of deception. And how a second right after that the world goes back to how it was before.

Monday, July 4, 2011

qotd #7

And just when we believe we could be great
Reality it permeates
And conquers from within again.

-Turpentine, Brandi Carlile

Saturday, July 2, 2011

overthink

It’s funny how we can say certain things without truly knowing what they really mean. We hear stories of abused women and shake our heads at their reluctance to leave their abusers. We think that the young men and women who commit suicide these days because they were left by their partners as really silly, that in being ‘overly dramatic’ sadly in this case had no turning back. We have heard of old rich parents who are still paying for their adult children’s living welfare even when their children are perfectly healthy and able to make a living on their own.

In these cases, we would mutter behind our newspapers “Stupid woman”, or “Kids these days…” or something to this effect, then promptly forget about it. We secretly pat ourselves on our back for knowing thinking that “If it was to happen to me, I would take it like a strong man/woman and come out of it easily.” I mean, it’s common sense right, to not have to so dramatically resort to suicide just because a girl did not want you anymore when you are still young? Or that it would be sensible to leave your abuser partner because your friends and family would support your decision.

Until it happens to you.

Sadly I am experiencing first hand something that I have for all my life thought impossible. I’ve always thought I was strong enough to take rejection and a sudden major change in my life. It turns out that I am, and have been a weakling the entire time.

What do you call constant sadness and unhappiness, or at best staring away into space even when you’re surrounded by so many people? What do you call crying at night when you’re alone even when there’s no reason to do so? What do you say is the problem when one feels like letting go of all responsibilities the person has in the world because she feels that the time to leave is nearby?

I’ve read stories where the loved ones of the recently deceased saying that they have been acting ‘differently’ the past few days, as if they know that their time is coming. But what if I am prepared for that, and it does not come? Will I have to sit by the window day after day in an endless wait for a swift and innocent departure from all the unhappiness?

You might say that in time I will learn to forget and live again. Believe me when I say that I truly want to. However I have tried and tried and not succeeded. Waiting is not something I am good at; something must be done soon before I ruin everything else.

The problem is I do not know what.

thailand 2011

Penang, Nakhom Pathom, Amphawa, Ayutthaya, Kanchanaburi, Bangkok and all the places in between in just 5 days. Amazing.

Click on the photos to view it better.


Arrival at the Nakhon Pathom station from Butterworth, Penang


This old lady was sitting opposite me in the tuk tuk-like vehicle. Couldn’t resist a picture of her looking so lost in thought.

 
At the end of one endless train ride

 
Outside the window of the train to Ayutthaya

 
Amphawa floating market


A palace in Ayutthaya


A gorgeous Wat in Ayutthaya


Smiley little boy spotted in Ayutthaya

IMG_8102
Fascinated by tourists, maybe?

 
At Kanchanaburi

#julyquotes
@yokoono ‘John used to say "I love you" every day. I didn't understand then, how lucky I was.’ - Source

‎"I dont think that we're meant to understand it all the time. I think that sometimes we just have to have faith." - Nicholas Sparks (A Walk to Remember)