It is so much easier to write when I'm down. I guess the past year has been nothing but a climb uphill for me (emotionally at least), thus the reason for this blog being equated to the quiet rustles of an empty park at midnight, or the lonely chirp of a grasshopper looking for its long-lost lover.
What have I been doing these few months however, was to ponder on what really matters in the future.
No answer to this yet, and somehow I have a feeling that there never will be one.
Like all the final answers to the eternal question of What Is Life?, one should not spend time questioning but instead go out and live your life! So in the same way, there's no need to find out and know exactly what matters in your life, but instead go out and live whatever matters - right here, right now!
So why do I still spend my days weeks and months waiting from a sign from somewhere?
I have no idea.
Perhaps I don't need to know why I still question life itself, but instead just let things be and no worry too many crow's feet over it.
Yes, this is how I spend my time amusing myself. Create endless questions that has no answers, and spend endless hours pondering why I do this to myself.
Being a Samantha is so much fun I tell you.
In other news, my two-week sabbatical to India (yes a rest from all the holidays and TV drama I've been doing past month) will kick start this Saturday at 3pm! The only thing I'm not looking forward to is a break from the one I dub my "boyfriend" as he has been an incredible pillar of strength, encouragement and love to me this past year.
It is amazing how much one person can do to pull you up from the deepest depths and now i even dare put my head up high to face the world again! It's almost impossible to believe how lucky one can be to find such a gem, and to think that we were very close to missing out on all this, if we hadn't done this, or done that, all which eventually brought us both here today.
Okay all the sentimental talk is due to the early pains of realising we won't be seeing each other or even be in contact as much as we have been the past year, for the coming half a month at least.
This feeling of dependence never felt so good before, though.
I shall stop this childish love-sick fool rant and get some sleep.
PS - 2.9
PPS - Sorry non-boyfriend reader, I couldn't resist!